you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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