Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize