I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
