this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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