Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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