I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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