is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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