I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
