You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
