did you get engaged???
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize