Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
