she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
