I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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