Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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