we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
