pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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