Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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