Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
