I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
