i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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