My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
