please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
