the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
