Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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