the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
