Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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