i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
