I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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