grandma shit on top of the toilet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.