my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?