Got a toothbrush?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious