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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am spending my child support on dildos

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you still free tonight?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?

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