i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.