Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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