Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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