i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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