Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
