Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
