I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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