A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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