You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
