Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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