I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found puke in my bra..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
