We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
