I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
