Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
