What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
