i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
