is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
