do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
