Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
