the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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