I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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