you guys were way drunker than both of me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
