he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize