you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
