I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
