I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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