MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
