my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
