Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
