i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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