I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
