i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
