her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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